I walk back and forward in and out of the house to be sure I have not left anything behind. I grab my house keys, yell goodbye to my mum, and then hop in the car with Wayne and leave for the casino. This is the night befor our big adventure to 'The Newquay Boardmasters'.
At the casino we met up with Waynes mum and Bill and had a really nice time, I was dressed in a suit, looking at girls, and watching Bill put his chips down on the roullett and not have much luck...was awesome. Waynes mum and Bill are so easy to get along with I love it and I can see where Wayne gets his 'life by the balls' attitude. On the way back tot he car Wayne decides it a good ideat to pull his trousers down and pull them back up whilst in the lift befor the doors opend again. Surely enough when them doors slowly opend he got caught by some less than impressed bristol chavs and I nearly weeed a little bit. I love hanging out with that dork.
The next day we got up and Luke palmer met us and we left in the cars to hit newquay straight in the face!We hit a huge traffic jam so I got out the car and ran as far as possible till Wayne caught up with me and then I got back in, We sang loudly to tenatious D, and yelled obsenitys at people. This was quickly becoming a good time (as per usuall).
We ended up having a ride at the local park called Wooden Waves park and it was fully awesome! It had a big 6ft jump box and then a 20ft vertwall after it that was nuts! Tons of riders were already there from Matt Priest to all the essex/romford lot and james hitchcox was in full affect aswell as Alex Carhart doing big airs to footjam. It was a good session. And we were all ripping it out of the new kid called ESSA BAKOS who let me tell you got his fiar share of abuse that week. We had to rush to find a place to stay as we thought the event had a camp site but it turned out it did not... We ended up telling people we were gay so that we could same sex sleep in a tent but they still wanted 130 buks from us for only a few days!We ended up meeting Jason Phelan And his bro Phil who was a totall legend and decided we were staying at this place called smugglers haven but it was far from it, with the cold showers and no sleep till around 6am and aggro security gaurds it was a sure recipe for a crazy camp site.
Our campsite set up was just me wayne and jason with phill in his car and ended up being a little village of tents again as ryan taylor, james and tom bruzza and zack and matty laa and elina all turned up from different parts of the uk.
Later we went to the event and had a quick gander at everything and let me tell you the setting could not have been more beautifull. There was a long walk way filled with shops like an asian market palce and at the end was a nice vert ramp well made for the skaters wich kept the wind of out not so well made shitty black 8ft midi ramp wich we made do with. The sea was right there and there was this large plaze thing with a few levels as it was on a hill and that was the hub for all the media people to work at and where the athletes signed in and gained information and also where I got to know the girls that worked for Sports vision allot better :)
We got back to the site and me and Wayne decided to hit up the town and we see some seriouse shit go down. We originally went in with Phelan and all the uk bmx scene aka Porker and Lesser and Ginge and co wich I do believe was a large mistake haha. The first place we hit up after leaving the bus via the fire escape and pissing of the driver a treat was called Corkers. I went up to the bar and got myself a redbull vodka and then sat down with it and was about to seriously enjoy my first drink of the year when Jason the pre-drunk Irishman comes up, picks my drink up, turns it upside and then throws it whilst shouting "woooo!" Thanks again for that man. He was pretty funny tho he rubbed his fingers together over a girls drink and she says "what the fuk are you doing?" and he just says "ah I jus poot de date chrap peel in there" (just put the date rape pill in there) and she looked discusted! We left pretty soon after that.We went to a vip party at a place called buzzers and seeing as it was shit dead in there we left and headed to a club called central that we heard was good.
Whilst in there we found a strippers pole on bearings so the pole span around! We got our groove on and started killing the pole...In no time at all some old 40 year olds on their stag doo saw us and were yelling clear the area and as we did, one of the chaps ran at the poll and jumped...Then totally missed it and ate shit a treat so me and wayne watched on as these old fogies tryed to use a poll. Good times.We even had a dance off on it sliding down then thrusting the pole like we were taking it to town and doing matrix style stunts that for a first time on a pole you'd have been impressed let me tell ya!
Wayne found these two awesome girls called Naomi and Sophie at the end of the night and we partyed with them till the end of the night and held a dance off in the club @ red square and we had an awesome time tho it did help I had bought us all lollys from the other black guy in the toilet selling cologne!
Oh I forgot to mention on the bus to town all the romford lot and us were getting leary as jason ended up naked for somereason and we kept chanting "lets get fuking mental, lets get fuking mental lala la la lala la la!" then we left the bus via the fire door.
Day 2
I woke up all haggard got in the shower and got ready for the day ahead with our irish sausages and burgers we previsously baught from morrisons. Phill was the morning chef for us the whole of boardmasters seeing as he had the cooker and utecills but I can't complain sitting around whilst he cooked everything to perfection eh?
We headed down to the event wich took us about 20 mins but it was a really nice ride as we past so many beautifull scenes and hot girls.It just did'nt matter about the distance or hills yknow. This whole place was rammed with so many hot girls that I could not remeber seeing one ugly one and they were all nice too as in if you say hello then they say it back not just "fuck off" like most boring bitches here do! Was cool.
my view was a winnerGirls, Beach, bikes= perfect!
Any ways on that day some of the highlights were :
-Mason stoped his whole body on his face cheek from a toothpick half bars out
- Dan shoe lace over vertical front jams
- Issac Lesser killing it
-Martyn Cooper riding amazing
-A female sliding between masons legs trying to get down the ramp and almost got mounted by him!!Dirty old perv!
When we all got to the event in the morning I forgot to say...There was a Pa system wich we found and none of us knew how to use but there was an Ipod attachment plus and a microphone so that was enought to make us figure it out. In the end after lots of different trys from vairous people saying they could do it, Our man EESSSAA BAKKOSS Finally got it working (probly from when he has to round up people for his kebab stand on the mic!)
We got the beats on thanks to essa's Ipod and all of us dicked about witht the mic all day and tore ass into Timmy Docherty for wanting to be sponsored and just everyone in generall. Especcially Essa for being a kebab man and singing was cool too. It was the perfect setting with friends shredding on a mini ramp on the beach in the sun having a good time. Perfect!
Issac's Knee started swelling a beaut that day and it was a bit of a shit cus it ended up meaning he could'nt ride but he enjoyed the nuts people and good times non the less like this nutter guy saying things to me that meant nothing such as "5 years never looked back mate...Living the dream!"
He was a legend Tho, reminded me of Chris Nunn from essex who was also there by the way and it was a treat to see him! He did a turndown flair on the sunday to knee jam in! lol
I ended up meeting a young lady called Emily who I have known for a long time now and that was cool, Then I rode to wooden waves skatepark and had a blast then when Hank and chunky and all the chaps from bstoke turned up I don't know what the hell happend but I crashed on everything like flairs, flipping the spine and even some footjams! Someone upthere did not want me riding that night! So I rode back and sure enough from landing on my shoulder hard 3 times in a row I had broken my shoulder (again). I got back to the camp site and the plan was to go to the music festival to see the streets play and get loose but instead we ended up back at the camp site getting loose and me not being to happy due to the pain i was in.
Tom Bruzza was calling me a pussy for not drinking and sounded like that kid from superbad saying " dude you drink" and " dont get athlete on me" ha that guy was twated! We all ended up getting our heair fuzzed up and I tell thee it were propa funny!
Porker- Some poor girl was in a porta loo minding her own business when all of a sudden the loo is tipped enought from the back to swing the door open and force her out the seat onto her hands and knees. Then....The porta loo carryed on falling and engulfed her as it fell completely to the floor. Porker and whoever was involved ran back and told us as and as we looked over towards the loo being tilted back by some guys- We see a totally shit covered, not chuffed, bra filled with shit looking girl just stand there for a second then just walk staight to the shower about 5 feet away. Nice one chaps.....
People were up to some seriouse shinanigins that night-Larry the winner from nass was running about with a fire exstinguisher and squirtign people with it as was Ryan Taylor the little scoundrell!
At the end of the night, myself, Matty laa and Elina walked up to the bar to do something like kareokie wich with my bad state of mood was not up for and we ended up watching Matty pretending to be a bingo annoucner and it was hilariouse! Whilst ordering a redbull some sgag head matey comes up to me like yeeer dik-ed yums gots en-eh drougs ons yas?" I was like wtf man and then he just sat there apologising...wat a freak!
At one point Matt came up to me and quietly says to me "you think anyone will notice if we just took this table?" and I was like " lets do it!" so we each got a hold then walked off with a nicely aluminium trimmed circle table that was massive! We walked it past security guards and no one notcied shit! And it wasnt even theft seeing as we just moved it to another area of the camp site from the bar hahah nice one Wayne. Later Matty and Elina went to sleep and I was the last one outside sat in a chair, leant on the freshly stolen table, In my new vans coat...And just drifted off to sleep at about 3am and re-awoke at like 4 like wtf am I doing? so I crawled back into my tent and eventually got some sleep only to wake up at 8am yet again.
so anyways that was that night over.
I woke up at 8am again (muther fuker) so I walked to Waynes tent yelled at him and he did'nt wake up cus mexicans sleep like a log! I took his car keys out his pocket again and found Jason and Issac and we had ourselfs a rought old freezing shower....As I was outside Jasons said "yeah my shower is roasting" and Issac said " yeah mines alright actually" and so I thought ok cool warm shower for me.. I got in Issac's shower and believe me I had to psyche myself up to get in it was that cold! Cunts made me think it was nice when really it was past arctic blizzard! HAHAHA.
Can you say piece of shit tent?This beast was mine!(I left it there in the end!)
Me and Jason got our shit sorted and Phill cooked up some ace sausages again (cus he is the best human alive) and we rode nice and relaxed all the way to the event talking and getting to know each other a bit more. It was a perfect ride in the sun on a holiday getting to know a freind alot better.
I had the task of getting all the water and food to the riders whilst qualifying whent on and I impressed some of the staff at sports vision for getting so much done and managed to get wayne a athlete band so that we could go watch some bands for free even tho we never got there we ended up at the site again!
Well the qualifying earlyer in the day went off as I was getting a massage for my brokend shoulder and chilling/watching the event and getting free drinks from the riders lounge, Jason Phelan was going off too and I did catch him do a flip fakie 3rd go wich was nuts and Wallace came down on the day and like a pro just killed things a bit fast so everyone was like...WELL WHO WANTS 2ND THEN? lol
Bruza James did a double bars drop in and TOTTALLY NAILED IT! and Ben Manual did a fuf to ice chink in that was nuts.
Then we all met up at the riders lounge at the top and I had another massage and after all the physio doctors all layed into me for my freak of a shoulder we all sat down and chilled out tho this damn surfer guy with a gay porteriquen accent kept saying in a gay voice "nah nah nah- Im oonn!" And we were like shut the fuck up we are trying to say EELSALSA LES BAKOSO in as many ways as we can.
I told them all about my friend skating in the street and the police man was like "what are you doing in the road boy whats your name?" then he simply replied "JAMAL NE'BHIL ACHEMED MOHAMED MHATER DHEL FHIR" then the policeman just stood there in confussion and said "Don't get cheeky with me boy"
In the evening I noticed Jason and the Bruzza's over with a group of people and as I go to see them I notice they have colourd hands, faces and what ever between them ha some pink some green and some orange they all looked hilariouse.
We all started dancing and stuff and then some hot chicks appeared and we started getting our groove it was a treat! Matty for some reason sat on a white bucket and shat in it and i have to say I have no idea why?
I ended up taking a pretty early night I think.
Well Finals were well on their way after watching the crowd come together and all the finalist throw it down in the practice...This was not your average comp tho, where finals go off and people really trick trick trick; but rather just stepping it up a bit whilst still in the comfort zone. This made the riding more dialled and the atmosphere way better. Ben was hitting it big doing some really relaxed one hand one foot tables and wow was he goin high!
So saturday night rolls along and after a quick party percell,miller,wayne,jason and james Ivett and co all waltzed up the hill to the watergate feild were cypruss hill were playing and the masses were assembling!
I hate being treated like a normal person and seeing as Wayne did not have an athlete band I knew he was going to have to pay to get into the event so... From working really hard rushing about earlyer on the friday whilst qualifying was on and being polite to people, James Rodd was pretty chuffed on me working and decided hed let me have another athlete band so Wayne could get into all the partys I could. Sometimes working when you dont need to work pays off a treat eh?
At the bottom of the relentless tent there was a human beat box fest going on at the bottom of half of the relentless building and we got turned down to go upstairs by a retard bouncer. We take another 10 mins to squeeze throught the miles of shit other wise known as sweaty rave heads.
We were about to walk about the carnivall/festival site and I forced wayne behind a fence that took us behind the relentless building into where all the staff were for the event. We snook about basically! Then we ended up speaking to a chap named Jo sat on a table behind the building and he turned out to be gay (youll find out more about that later) anyways we made ourway upstairs after some random chick made out with me and another chick made me shoot a ton of absynth...Kellie the team manager from Oakley was there along with leo forte who I had a nice long chat with and hes been off the scene riding around the world shooting for his new united video section wich sounds awesome.
After I was shitfaced and we left the relentless building me and wayne had some icecream from a ice cream van and it was perfect! We then bumped into james Ivett who was clearly not drunk...LIES! ha we then ended up jumping around a bit then giving pendulum djs a miss to walk back to the camp site to put away all the desperados stuff I got given and also took.
At one point in the evening walking back from our ecstatic time up in the vip lounge myself and Wayne were speaking the way polish people do in english over here and it was pretty funny seeing as we were kina drunk aswell so we asked staff there " escuseh me, where is, how do you say, too many toilet?"
We took the bus from the camp site to town where we planned to get v.i.p again and have a good old time. Whilst on the bus there were a few drunken idiots that were people with no achievment in life but had that annoying amount of self confidence where they thought they were the shit. Well they didnt cause any trouble so we carryed on laughing and prettending we were the ones driving the bus from the front of the top floor of the double decker-well I did anyway.
We got into town and walked straight to the event ONLY TO FIND that our athlete bands were not cool enought for the bouncers, but even the winner of the event Ben wallace and Relentlesses own riders Paul Jefferies could not get in I still managed to work my charms and get us the vip wrist bands we needed! OOOOOWW so anyways then we get in and I realise we need money so we head back out and pass everyone that couldnt get in and they all looked a bit pissed that me and wayne just walked in and out...So I am in the line for the cash machine and up comes my friend from school James Arnold and I must say I was very impressed a kid like him that went to a private school like me managed to actually have a life and not be boring like all the other rich kids...Small world too I guess.
we had got almost to the end of the line to be next with for getting some cash out when wayne shouts theres a smaller que over here...So for some reason we walked all the way down the street to the next line that was shorter for the cash machine and after talking away for five minuits about something I looked to my left and everyone was over at another cash point at an even shorter line, So I had infact been talking to myself for five minuts about shit all infront of a big queu of people waiting for the cash point...Embarresing.
I get some cash out then back into the vip party is was.
I met tons of people there and it was really vip in some parts seeing as there was another extra vip area with another bouncer just to go upstairs where it was all perfectly light up and about 10 people in there with extra soft music to let you know you were the shit. But that scene was too boring for the likes of me and wayne so we went back down stairs and I got me wayne and Matt Priest a DESPERADOS each and we let the fun begin!
I ended up talking to a skater chick called lex and she was pretty hot but I mean her name was lex and one of my alltime biggest heros is called lex and he helped me throught so much that it just made her seem skank just from her name.
Also I recall Wayne eating a whole onion and it was spanish too so it was frikin huge! He told me seeing as his breath stank so much he went to the gents,washed his mouth,smoked 2 fags and bought some chewing gum from the black guy in the toilets that gives out cologne for some dollar..And his breath still stank!
After that I ate two of the best burgers ever that they were fresh bbqing there for 3 buks a go and let me say it was like an orgy in my mouth and went down a treat with some desperados after it.
Whilst munching down on my second burger minding my own bussiness Bas keep says hello to me and introduces me to his friend Jess who happend to be alot cooler than I was expecting...and also Mason my boss was chilling out to the max with his cool original dress style going on and shooting fellow elder ladies with this green toy gun that seemed to be going around all night.
Then again like the first night we enede p walking all the way home and when you aint on a bike riding it seriously feels like 50x's the distance and a billion times more effort ( ok so i egsaturate but so what you pick your nose when no one else is about?)
We eventually got back to the site at god knows o'clock and there it was done time for sleep tho when I climbed into my tent there was someone in there and who was it?...Well none other than me ol mukka Billy Percell all coloured in!
I managed to boot him out then he stumbled about and ate shit into Zachs tent wich was funny then got himself across the camp site into bed! Nice one.
best trick>>>
So the final countdown is playing and the crowd are roaring in anticipation as Ben Wallace is in double peg stall about to attemp a pretty crazy feat of a stunt.
He manages to air fakie a treat and as he fakied up to the top of the ramp behind him he did the cleanest double whip hop I will ever see considering that was pretty much the first one pulled officially anyways!
After he nailed the fakie double whip the crowd went tits and he even threw in a nice secret air punch and 'yo'd' himself! WHAT A GUY!
Other stunts that went down that day were also of the chain such as Garreth doing a coping 540 tap to whip in and Larry doing a whip fufanu on the backrail and poping back in perfectly like he didnt care and knowing larry he probably did'nt!
Un-fortunatly Ben Manual did a massive air ( wich i missed) and rimmed up and jacknifed like a hawk to the ground and tore his chin up pretty good and left a huge lump of congealed blood on the ramp wich we had to clear up, well james hitchcox did.Thanks Ben
After that all had happend I waltzed over to the really pretty girl at the vans tent and I managed to get myself a pair of flippy floppys and some cool other vans stuff like plasters and beach balls and stuff. Thanks for that pretty lady. Whilst hangin around there Essa bakos came in with some mayonais he blatently put on himself and said wtf is this and managed to blag himself a free pair of vans shorts haahh wat a stuntman!
As soon as the riders caught on about free stuff they were in there like some pakis on a tin of beans! They were all stealing goodies and flipflops and god knows what else!
After that we said thanks to everyone then we said gbye to newquay as we took the slow chilled ride back to the site.
As we rolled back I couldnt help but notice how perfect was right infront of my face the whole time. I was having a good time, I appreciated all the uk bmx scene that was there, I loved meeting all the new people, the sky and ground were amazing and I spent my time soaking up all of the beauty of earth around me. And the most important thing to me that i learnt was how good my dear friend wayne is to me. Thanks for an awesome time everyone that I saw and was with at boardmasters...You made it the best week of my life. SHWEEEET.
I think I look like Zach, No I wish i looked like Zach!

1 comment:

  1. ELSALSA LABAKOS8/20/2009